Using Choice Theory/Reality Therapy to Keep Difficult Parents on Your Side

Format

Individual Presentation

Presenters

Jane V. Hale, Slippery Rock University of PennsylvaniaFollow

First Presenter's Institution

Slippery Rock University

First Presenter’s Email Address

jane.hale@sru.edu

First Presenter's Brief Biography

Jane V. Hale is an Associate Professor in the Department of Counseling and Development at Slippery Rock University where she coordinates the School Counseling Program and also teaches in the Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program. Dr. Hale has an extensive resume of practitioner experience in both the mental health and school counseling fields. She has worked as a therapist in a family-based program, started a private practice specializing in the treatment of adolescents and families, was a professional school counselor at the elementary school level, and provided counseling services to students in a public special education school. Dr. Hale holds certification as a k-12 school counselor and is a Licensed Professional Counselor in the state of Pennsylvania. She is certified in Choice Theory and Reality Therapy through the Glasser Institute for Choice Theory and infuses the principles into her counseling, teaching, and supervisory roles.

Submitter

I am submitting this proposal as one of the presenter(s)

Location

Scarbrough 2

Strand #1

Home: Family & Community Engagement

Strand #2

Heart: Social & Emotional Skills

Relevance

This proposal relates primarily to the Home strand because the presentation will help participants learn strategies that will enhance family/school collaboration. By focusing on how to eliminate barriers and improve communication between school officials and family caregivers, students will be given more tools to be able to succeed. The Heart strand also can relate because improved social and emotional skills between parents/school can help the students feel more emotionally secure as well.

Brief Program Description

This session will offer specific strategies for school personnel to navigate the relationship struggles that unsatisfied parents/caregivers often present. School counselors, social workers, teachers, and administrators are often placed in the position of handling unhappy parents. Choice Theory/Reality Therapy lends itself perfectly to understanding disgruntled parents and uncovering meaningful strategies that helpers can implement so that everyone gets their needs met.

Summary

Dealing with parents/caregivers can be one of the most difficult aspects of working with youth. It can also be one of the most rewarding aspects of working with youth. Using a systems lens, all of our clients or students are part of a family, or larger system. Even as adults, we are part of a family system and have experiences as a child/adolescent growing up in our own families of origin. By viewing students as part of a family system, it is important for us to prioritize relationships with parents/caregivers as part of our work with students. If a parent/caregiver of a student can become an ally with the school, this only will increase the chances of students’ success.

Unfortunately, not all children have parents who are involved in their development. For students who do have parents who are involved, the relationship with the parent/caregiver and school officials may be healthy or unhealthy. For parents who have healthy relationships with school officials, this usually is exhibited in a positive, collaborative relationship. These parents are partners with the school officials and work together to help their child/adolescent meet their goals. Parents who have unhealthy relationships with school officials are usually non-cooperative, distant, and even combative. They may respond with anger and frustration when being told that their child/adolescent is not performing up to their potential or exhibiting negative behaviors.

This is where understanding choice theory and reality therapy (CT/RT) can help change unhealthy relationships with parents/caregivers to healthy relationships. Using CT/RT theories, parents/caregivers may not be getting their basic needs of freedom, fun, power, love/belonging, and survival met in healthy ways. Therefore, their resistance and reactions to school officials may be their best attempt to get their needs met. This might be exhibited in angry and defensive behaviors towards school officials. Using the WDEP process in CT/RT, defensiveness of parents/caregivers can potentially be decreased and the desired result is for the school official and parent/caregiver to recognize they are on the same team by recognizing that they share the same “Want” for the student. Additionally, this process will help the parent get their basic needs of CT/RT met in a healthy way, which helps the school to become a meaningful part of the parents’ world, too.

Evidence

William Glasser is a renowned psychiatrist who is credited with developing reality therapy and choice theory. In 1962 he coined the term “reality therapy” to describe his ideas about reality psychiatry. Reality therapy is described as the process of implementing the ideas of choice theory. Choice theory is a set of ideas that describes how people function in society (Glasser,1998). The main precept of choice theory is based on the idea that people choose behaviors to attempt to meet their basic needs met. Glasser describes the five basic needs that all humans possess as love and belonging, fun, freedom, power, and survival. The needs do not exist on a hierarchy; rather, everyone has different levels of need strength (Glasser, 1998). Glasser (1998) believes that relationships are paramount to living a healthy life and that all ills can be traced back to a relationship deficit or problem. In this presentation, the basic needs of choice theory will be applied to developing relationships with parents/caregivers. Additionally, the WDEP model of reality therapy will be applied to relationship-building between school officials and parents/caregivers. The ideas in this presentation are based on the application of Dr. Glasser’s work. The WDEP model was developed by Dr. Wubbolding and will be used in this presentation as a strategy to improve relationships (Wubbolding, 2000).

Glasser, W. (1998). Choice theory: A new psychology of personal freedom. New York:

HarperCollins.

Wubbolding, R.E. (2000). Reality therapy for the 21^st century. Philadelphia, PA:

Brunner-Routledge.

Learning Objective 1

learn and apply Choice Theory/Reality Therapy principles to aid in improving interactions with parents.

Learning Objective 2

gain insight about themselves and how their needs are met through Choice Theory/Reality Therapy.

Learning Objective 3

help parents turn complaints into goals.

Keyword Descriptors

Choice Theory/Reality Therapy, parent engagement, family collaboration

Presentation Year

2025

Start Date

3-4-2025 10:15 AM

Recommended Citation

Hale, Jane V., "Using Choice Theory/Reality Therapy to Keep Difficult Parents on Your Side" (2025). National Youth Advocacy and Resilience Conference. 46.
https://digitalcommons.georgiasouthern.edu/nyar_savannah/2025/2025/46